Perfect Peace

Trusting God in the Storms of Life

How I found Perfect Peace

Uncategorized · 

I used to think no one would want to hear my testimony.  Who wants to hear the boring testimony of a girl who found Jesus at a very young age?  Who wants to hear about a girl who grew up in the church, never really made any bad choices, and led a pretty boring life.  I used to listen to testimonies of people who had true prodigal stories and see God’s redeeming power.  I was moved by stories of tragedy and the faithfulness of God in their lives.  My story was nothing special.

The impact of my story changed when I was pregnant with our second daughter.  We found out that when she was born there was a high chance of complications.  That did not prepare us for her to be born with a series of mid-line birth defects and surgery at 3 days old.  Our world was rocked.  All of a sudden, that steadfast and boring faith I had was put to the test.   I had to look to and lean on God in a way I never had before.  The calm before the storm helped to prepare me for the waves that came crashing into our lives. 

“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you,” Isaiah 26:3, NLT. God gave me this verse in the calm days of my life.  I couldn’t completely understand the weight of its truth, but I stored it away in my heart.  During the many challenges that I have faced over the years, this verse speaks to me.  It reminds me of the light while I am in the darkness.

What does perfect peace look like?  Perfect peace is not the absence of chaos.  It is not the absence of troubles in our life.  Perfect peace is hope and assurance amid all of that.  It is trusting in the One who is bigger than anything we may be facing.  It is knowing that the One who is in control has never failed and won’t fail now.  The reality of life is that there will always be challenges.  So how do we get this perfect peace?

Isaiah tells us that we must keep our minds ‘stayed’ on God.  In the NLT it says, “all whose thoughts are fixed on you!”  To be ‘stayed’ on God we must:

  1. Seek Him daily.  We accomplish this by reading His word, His truth and treasure to us.  We need to mediate on His Word and we need to be hiding His Word in our hearts.
  2. Be in relationship and fellowship with Him.  We need to speak with Him and include Him in all that is going on in our lives. 
  3. Serve Him.  We need to make sure that our lives do not just focus on ourselves, but that we are actively involved in further God’s kingdom and using the gifts that He has given us for His glory.

When we do these things, we can keep our thoughts fixed on Him.  When we know His truth, spend time in relationship with Him and serve Him we can trust Him.  Even when things are falling apart around us, we can remember He is with us.  We can remember that He is in control.  We can remember that He is the calm in the storm.

Which Way Now? Learning to follow God’s call

Uncategorized · 

Acts 16:9-10 “That night Paul had a vision: A man from Macedonia in northern Greece was standing there pleading with him, ‘Come over to Macedonia and help us!’  So, we decided to leave for Macedonia at once, having concluded that God was calling us to preach the Good News there.”

So often in our lives we come to times of decision and direction. What we think and feel is the right way to go, is not always the way God wants us to go.  In Acts, Paul and Silas thought it was time to head into Asia, but that wasn’t the direction God had for them.  They tried another route, but again, God stopped them.  Finally, in the quiet of the night, God showed Paul the plan and the men headed in the direction God wanted them to.

In my own life, I am often like Paul and Silas and I just want to get moving.  This way looks good, I have good intentions, so let’s make it happen.   Unfortunately for me, I did not always listen to the ‘Spirit of Jesus’ (v7) as Paul and Silas did, and at times, my plans failed or fell short.  I have learned that listening to God and waiting on God can save me a lot of frustration and disappointment. 

After college, I moved to London to work for a Christian charity.  Sounds good right?  I got a chance to live in the great city of London, to work for God, experience new things and culture; why wouldn’t God want me to do this?  It turned out to be a challenging 18 months of my life.  I was alone, far away from home. I was learning to live independently for the first time while in another country and I felt like I was failing every step I took. 

God and I got very close during that time; we spent a lot of time talking and it was during that time that I really learned to hear his voice in my life.  I remember one very lonely day asking God why things were so hard.  He said, “Jayme, did I tell you to move here?”  Ugh, my response, “well God, you didn’t tell me NOT to move here.” 

You see, I was young and still maturing in my faith.  All the excitement of being offered the job and making plans, got in the way of prioritizing sitting down and praying for God’s guidance.  I had never asked Him if this was the direction He wanted me to go.  

I am convinced now that God used that experience to stretch me and shape me in ways I could not have been stretched otherwise and He brought me to a place of pure reliance on Him. 

When I come to times of decision and choice in my life, I am reminded of that time.  There are decisions in my life that do not have a right or wrong answer, I simply need to choose.  There are some decisions where I think I’m going the right way but God shows me He has another direction in mind.  And there are still other decisions that I have to wait on God to show me the way, to bring ‘the man from Macedonia’ to me.  One thing is so clear, God always has a plan and God is always at work in my life.  I need to make sure I am in relationship with Him, that I am including Him in everything that is going on in my life and that I listen for his direction. 

It Won’t Stay This Way Forever

Uncategorized · 

I love spring.  Not just because I live in Vermont where winter feels like it lasts 10 years, but I love the hope it brings.  I love spring because winter is hard for me.  My youngest was born very unexpectedly at the end of January, 5 weeks early and in critical condition. The next weeks were a whirlwind of so many scary things.  I love spring because it is the other side of all that terrible.

Living in the northeast, I get the joy of seeing all four seasons (and maybe even like six seasons if we add in mud season and fake spring).  The seasons so clearly remind me of God’s hand in our world.  In summer everything is green and lush and vibrant.  During autumn we see the trees lose their leaves and the earth prepares to rest.  In winter we see the trees bare, cold creeps in and snow covers everything.  But in spring we see the hope of new things.  We see buds on the trees, flowers starting to bloom and the grass turning green.

In the winter months, many of my demons come to a head.  I am always surprised at how much power they seem to still have over my thoughts.  I relive those scary days of replaying every moment of my pregnancy, wondering what I had done to cause the issues my baby faced. This in turn would bring days of doubt and guilt.  Satan would take over my thoughts and paralyze me to the truth that I knew deep down in my heart.

Spring reminds me that things won’t stay dark and cold forever.  Spring reminds me that:

The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.                                                   Lamentations 3:22-23, NLT

God never fails us.  On the days when I feel like it is all too much, the days where everything is just too overwhelming, God reminds me that he is there.  On the days when false truths and guilt try to take over my thoughts, God is there.  He breaks through the dark.  It may be in a song, a verse, a word from one of my girls, or a text from a friend.  God continues to bring his love and mercy to me.  The same God who puts the earth to rest in winter, to restore it in spring, is the same God who restores my soul. 

Sunshine on my face restores my soul. 

A warm breeze restores my soul. 

God’s never-ending love restores my soul. 

Reminders of God’s faithfulness restore my soul. 

Looking at that amazing little girl who came out of her cocoon a beautiful butterfly restores my soul. 

When things feel too much; when the situation feels too impossible, remember what God has done.  Remember that his faithfulness is great, and his mercies never cease.  Look back and see the things God has done in the past and know it won’t stay like this forever. 

Floods, Foundations & Faith

faith, faith foundations, trusting god · 

I have not personally experienced any natural disasters.  Vermont is a funny place, where it can be sunny where I am and 5 miles away at work, my husband will call me and say it’s pouring out.  Weather here is weird.

Last spring flood waters devastated our state capital.  Homes flooded beyond repair.  Every business in the downtown district was completely destroyed; many did not recover, coming so close on the heels of Covid. 

In the summer, my daughters and I drove through this city, just 30 miles away from us and it felt like we had driven to another country.  Buildings were empty, furniture and trash just thrown on the sidewalks; it was nothing like the beautiful city we had visited just the previous summer.

Although I have never experienced a natural disaster, I have been through many personal floods.  I have had times in my life where my circumstances left me feeling like I was drowning, and I wasn’t sure I would be able to recover.

Luke 6:47-48, NLT says:

 I will show you what it’s like when someone comes to me, listens to my teaching, and then follows it. It is like a person building a house who digs deep and lays the foundation on solid rock. When the floodwaters rise and break against that house, it stands firm because it is well built. 

While teaching the crowds that followed him, Jesus gives a striking illustration of what life looks like for those who hear his teaching and follow it.  He does not say following him will only bring sunshine days and easy living.  He says the floods will come.  There will be hard days; there will be days that may try to knock you down. 

If you hear Jesus’ teaching and follow it, you will build yourself a firm foundation.  It will be solid.  If you take a hold of his truth and let it transform your life, you will have a foundation that cannot be washed away.  When the floods come; when the waves crash and the wind howls, you will stay standing.

The first major flood in my life came in an OB/GYN office. My husband and I were told we were being referred to the hospital for further scanning on our baby. So many questions flooded my brain. So much fear and so much uncertainty.

Floods of ‘what if’s’ crushed my heart. I could not handle it. It was more than I could bear. God met me in the flood.

I am so thankful for the foundation of my faith.  I am thankful for the many people who have influenced my life and taught me how to follow Jesus.  I am thankful for each lesson and each trial that built me into who I am.

During the floods in my life, it never once occurred to me to turn my back on Jesus.  If nothing else, those floods made me run to Jesus.  On the days when I couldn’t stand on my own, he held me up. 

I drew closer to Jesus when there was nothing else I could do.  When I did, he met me right where I was.  When I cried out to him and asked why, he reminded me how much he loved me and that he was in control.  I can look back on those days and still feel his presence, even when I didn’t understand what was happening. 

When It All Came Crashing Down

anxiety, mental health, panic attacks, PTSD, Uncategorized · 

It was supposed to be a nice, romantic few days away with my husband.  We had booked a B & B, the kids were taken care of and we had a chance to just enjoy ourselves.  What was supposed to be a nice little getaway for my husband and I was quite the opposite.  It was when all I had been carrying for seven years came crashing down.

While on our getaway, my husband and I looked up a nice restaurant for dinner.  Following the GPS, he took a turn down a dead-end street and had to back up onto the main road to find parking.  While he was backing up there was a family on the sidewalk and I thought for sure he was going to hit them.  He insisted he saw them; they saw him and it was all fine. 

But my brain spiraled. 

I thought for sure he had almost hit them.  I thought for sure they were calling the police with his license plate number and the cops were coming to get him.  I thought for sure he was going to be arrested and our lives would be turned upside down. 

I couldn’t sit.  I couldn’t think straight.  I couldn’t focus on the menu.  I kept looking at the door and waiting for my sweet husband to be taken away.

He did not understand.  Everything was fine.  What was I worrying about.  He had done nothing wrong.

But my brain would not shut down and I was losing control. Somewhere deep inside I knew this was irrational. And yet the overwhelming feeling of dread and anxiety was so real it terrified me.

I got up and walked out of the restaurant.  I called a very close friend and shared with her what was going on.  She said the wisest words I have ever heard.

“Jayme, you are one of the strongest, bravest women I know.  You have been through more in the last few years than anyone deserves to go through, and your mind and your body can’t take it anymore.  You have been taking care of everyone else and you need to start figuring out how to take care of you.”

I had spent the last seven years in survival mode.  First, I had a medically complex child who endured four surgeries in the first year of her life. Then we had another baby who we almost lost at birth and endured a complicated first year of her life.  Then I began to struggle with my own health in an endless parade of doctors who could not give me any answers.

I hung up the phone with my friend, took a very deep breath and went back into the restaurant.  It was clear from the look on my husband’s face I had ruined our potentially lovely dinner.  I apologized and laid things out for him.

“Honey, I know you don’t understand.  I know this is going to be difficult for you, but I am not okay, and I need help.” 

It was scary for me to say those words.  It was scary to admit I couldn’t soldier on my own.  It was painful for him to hear he couldn’t fix this.  The first step we took to take care of my mental health was to admit that there was a problem.

My mental health had had enough, and it was time to get help. 

My friend was right, I was strong and seeking help didn’t make me weak.  I thought it would. I thought it might reveal I didn’t trust God enough, that I didn’t have enough faith.  Seeing and recognizing what has happened to us, seeking wisdom from others to help you process that; that’s not weakness, that’s strength. 

Am I a Mistake?

Uncategorized · 

I was driving my daughter to dance one day, and she just piped up with, “Mommy, so did God make a mistake when he put me together?” 

Immediately tears welled up in my eyes and I almost had to pull over.  My heart just broke.  I had asked myself that question many times after she was born.  I remember struggling with the fact that she wasn’t ‘perfect’. 

God doesn’t make mistakes.

“Oh, my sweet girl, NO.  God does not make mistakes.  I don’t know why he put you together the way he did. I do know He has big plans for you, and He loves you very much.”

God doesn’t make mistakes. 

In our fallen world and in our human minds it is hard to fathom that children born different aren’t a mistake.  It is hard for us to wrap our minds around why God would put anyone through the difficulties that come with being different.

God doesn’t make mistakes.

I can’t answer all the questions my daughter asks about her body and the challenges it brings.  I can’t keep her tears from falling when she sees how clearly different, she is from her peers.

God doesn’t make mistakes.

I can point her to a God who loves her. 

I can show her that she is treasured and loved by the God who created her in His image. 

I can share with her how He has shown up in our lives time and time again. 

I can point out the ways He has answered our prayers.

God doesn’t make mistakes.

“For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.“ Psalm 139:13-14, NIV

The maker of the universe; the creator of heaven and earth, knit each of us together.  He knows every part of us.  He designed us for His glory.  Each stroke, each stitch was purposeful, was done deliberately. 

God doesn’t make mistakes.

We may not understand the reason behind His design.  There are days when I see my daughter struggle and I cry out to God to help me understand.  His gentle answer always comes back:

“I don’t make mistakes.  Trust me.”

He Has Overcome the World

Uncategorized · 

I remember standing with my husband in the hallway of the hospital eight years ago. We were just given scary and overwhelming information about our unborn child. I stood there and said these words to him: “I don’t understand.  I don’t know why this is happening, again.  But I do know that God is good and I know that time after time he has shown up in ways we could not imagine.  I HAVE to trust he knows what he’s doing.”  Those were hard words to say, but I meant them. 

I’m a follower of Jesus, I’m a wife, I’m a mom and I’m a ministry leader.  Those are but a few of the hats I wear.  Some days I nail them all, some days I nail one or two and other days…well you get the picture.  When my husband and I decided to start our family we were blessed with a beautiful, easy and delightful little girl.  She was the kind of baby that makes you want to have more!

Two years later, at the 20-week ultrasound for our second child, we were faced with some hard news and uncertain realities. Two days after she was born, our daughter was whisked off to the NICU. We found ourselves drowning in tests, medical diagnoses and things too overwhelming to grab a hold of.  The first year of her life I often felt more like a nurse than a mom.

Through it all, God was with us; faithful, steadfast and all-knowing.

When the dust settled and life fell into a normal rhythm; we decided it was time to complete our family with one more baby.  Given all we went through with our second daughter; it couldn’t get worse, right?  I found myself at another 20-week ultrasound, meeting another specialist and again asking, ‘why is this happening?’ 

I was so angry with God.  It wasn’t fair. I yelled those words at him, “IT’S NOT FAIR!”  I dedicated my life to following him, serving him and again, I had a baby growing inside of me who faced a complicated and unknown future.

In that time, God brought me to John chapter 16.  As Jesus is speaking to his disciples, he doesn’t sugar-coat what life would be like for those who followed him.  If you read through this chapter and reflect on Jesus’ words you will see that he is honest.  He warns his disciples (and us) of pain, of suffering and of persecution.  But he also, numerous times, tells them about joy and rejoicing that would come from following him.  He’s honest and hopeful all at the same time. 

Verse 33 in the NLT says, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me.  Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.  But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”

In the weeks and months that followed the initial diagnosis of our third daughter,  I got to see God do miracles.  He brought that baby into the world five weeks early to save her life.  He put doctors on staff that day that made quick and critical decisions that saved her life.  He put us in the path of specialists, nurses and hospital staff that were skilled, honest and hopeful.  Today I look at that incredible little girl who should not be all that she is and know it is only God. 

Why did God put us through all of this?  I believe it is so that He would be glorified and that His light would shine through the life and testimony of a tiny baby girl.

I have learned we don’t always get to understand things as they happen.  Following Jesus doesn’t mean the storms won’t come. Trusting in Him does not give us a free pass from the troubles in life. Believing in Jesus does mean we get to put our hope and trust in a God who has time and time again proven he’s in control and he loves us.  God is bigger than anything this world can throw at us. Remember, He has overcome the world.