I remember standing with my husband in the hallway of the hospital eight years ago. We were just given scary and overwhelming information about our unborn child. I stood there and said these words to him: “I don’t understand. I don’t know why this is happening, again. But I do know that God is good and I know that time after time he has shown up in ways we could not imagine. I HAVE to trust he knows what he’s doing.” Those were hard words to say, but I meant them.
I’m a follower of Jesus, I’m a wife, I’m a mom and I’m a ministry leader. Those are but a few of the hats I wear. Some days I nail them all, some days I nail one or two and other days…well you get the picture. When my husband and I decided to start our family we were blessed with a beautiful, easy and delightful little girl. She was the kind of baby that makes you want to have more!
Two years later, at the 20-week ultrasound for our second child, we were faced with some hard news and uncertain realities. Two days after she was born, our daughter was whisked off to the NICU. We found ourselves drowning in tests, medical diagnoses and things too overwhelming to grab a hold of. The first year of her life I often felt more like a nurse than a mom.
Through it all, God was with us; faithful, steadfast and all-knowing.
When the dust settled and life fell into a normal rhythm; we decided it was time to complete our family with one more baby. Given all we went through with our second daughter; it couldn’t get worse, right? I found myself at another 20-week ultrasound, meeting another specialist and again asking, ‘why is this happening?’
I was so angry with God. It wasn’t fair. I yelled those words at him, “IT’S NOT FAIR!” I dedicated my life to following him, serving him and again, I had a baby growing inside of me who faced a complicated and unknown future.
In that time, God brought me to John chapter 16. As Jesus is speaking to his disciples, he doesn’t sugar-coat what life would be like for those who followed him. If you read through this chapter and reflect on Jesus’ words you will see that he is honest. He warns his disciples (and us) of pain, of suffering and of persecution. But he also, numerous times, tells them about joy and rejoicing that would come from following him. He’s honest and hopeful all at the same time.
Verse 33 in the NLT says, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”
In the weeks and months that followed the initial diagnosis of our third daughter, I got to see God do miracles. He brought that baby into the world five weeks early to save her life. He put doctors on staff that day that made quick and critical decisions that saved her life. He put us in the path of specialists, nurses and hospital staff that were skilled, honest and hopeful. Today I look at that incredible little girl who should not be all that she is and know it is only God.
Why did God put us through all of this? I believe it is so that He would be glorified and that His light would shine through the life and testimony of a tiny baby girl.
I have learned we don’t always get to understand things as they happen. Following Jesus doesn’t mean the storms won’t come. Trusting in Him does not give us a free pass from the troubles in life. Believing in Jesus does mean we get to put our hope and trust in a God who has time and time again proven he’s in control and he loves us. God is bigger than anything this world can throw at us. Remember, He has overcome the world.
